Dare 10: Good Advice

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.   Luke 6:37

We can be women of influence if we choose first to be good listeners and fully understand what our husbands are telling us.  That means we must listen without interrupting our husbands. Let them say all they need to say. When it is our turn to talk we must do so with out criticizing what they have said or what they have decided to do. Make sure before you give your input that you understand fully what your husband has said and what he means. That makes us a positive influence in our marriage. Speak carefully in wisdom and encourage your husband. You will find yourself listened to more often and have greater influence on those around you.

So What About You?

1. How often does your husband confide in you? Is it more or less than during your engagement period and first years of marriage?
2. When your husband tell you about his work situations, are you encouraging, or judgmental and critical? Ask him for feedback and just listen; do not justify any actions you’ve taken in the past. Write down what you learn.
3. When do you choose to give your husband advice? Is it frequently, or is it only about important matters when he brings them up? How do you typically like to receive advice?
4. When you give advice, are you forceful and bossy, or are you gentle in suggestions? Do you use phrases like, “something you might consider,” “an idea that might fit with that,” “something others have found beneficial is,” or do you say things like “why can’t you,” “what you need to do,” or “I think you need to”
5. What can you do to become a wife who is held in high esteem and respected by your husband as being a safe confidante?

Recognizing that most wives yearn for emotional intimacy with their husbands, it is truly amazing how many of us miss the opportunities to create emotional intimacy by our own words.

A good listener knows when to speak.

Many times people just want to be heard, not be offered advice. Some of us have become people no one listens to because we are always offering suggestions, criticism, or judgement.

We think we are helping, but what we are communicating is an attitude of superiority over the other person.

Today, be aware of your own advising nature. Your challenge is twofold:

• Resist the temptation to offer advice. Instead, evaluate the situation, perhaps asking the person if he or she wants advice or wants to talk.
• Ask your husband if he considers you a safe person to talk to about his challenges. If he indicated you could be better in that area, ask his how you can improve. Make him aware of your sincere desire to change.

Pray for guidance, wisdom, and for God’s help in becoming the woman God desires you to be.