Dare 14: Treat Him Like a Man

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.     Proverbs 31:12

As you go through the Respect Dare, you are probably starting to be more aware of how other couples communicate with each other. Watch a husband’s reaction when you see disrespectful communication from his wife. Many times, there is a subtle gritting of teeth.

Standing and waiting on Bob and Joan’s front porch, Janda realized they apparently hadn’t heard the doorbell ring. Nor were they aware that Joan’s voice was coming over the intercom at the front door as they set up the crib.

“That’s not right, it pops up here first! No, not like that, like this! No, push that side in first, and then pull it up. Bob, you’re still not doing it right!”

The wife’s comments nipped at Janda’s ears as she waited and grew more uncomfortable. She rang the doorbell again.

“Go get the door, and I’ll just do it myself!”

The man, clearly irritated, answered the door.

“Bob, it’s good to see you!” Janda smiled.”I just wanted to drop dinner off for you and your wife. How’s the new baby?”He smiled and launched into a story about like with a new-born, and she could see him relaxing.

About five minutes later, his wife came to the door.

“oh, thank you for bringing dinner!!” she said. “Bob, you better get that in the refrigerator. The lettuce will wilt if it gets warm.”

His brow furrowed, his lips pursed a bit, he nodded at Janda and left. She felt sorry for the guy. Here’s a man who daily runs a crew of thirty guys on a construction job, and his wife talks to him like he’s a five-year old.

In the car on her way home, Janda grimaced as she remembered someone asking her at a social gathering about ten years before, “How many children do you have?” “Three, if you count my husband,” Janda had replied. Since then she had heard similar responses from many women over the years. She was sure back then, her behavior matched her attitude. How could it be that she could think about her own husband as if he were a child? She felt a twang of guilt and remorse for her actions. She also realized that Joan was on the same path in her marriage.

Janda was thankful she had learned that her behavior was rooted in disrespect and that it was not honoring to her or to her husband. Maybe she could recommend a Daughters of Sarah class to Joan in the future.

Think about and treat your husband as the man God created him to be. If you do, your husband will feel more respected by you and your marriage will improve.

So What About You?

  1. Ask your husband if he feels like you have ever treated him like a child. Ask him how that made him feel, and apologize if necessary. How has treating him like this been harmful to your marriage and to him?
  2. Can you remember your mother, sisters, or friends talking about their husbands as though these men are inferior? How has this impacted families?
  3. Make a list of eight things that wives in general can do to make their husbands feel like men.
  4. Pick two things from the eight things that you feel would benefit your husband’s esteem the most and circle them.
  5. Either schedule these activities or do them today, without expectations. What specifically are you going to do and when? Write it down.

Often we give to others with the expectation that our gift will be rewarded. Recognize that this type of giving is not a true gift if it’s actually “sold” for praise or appreciation. Christ gave the gift of his life for ours by dying on the cross. Before that, he repeatedly gave healing, teaching, and food to those in need without expectation of payment or even appreciation. His behavior is the perfect example of love. It is God’s love for us, brought to life in the man of Christ Jesus.

From this day forward, when you experience resentment or disappointment due to your husband’s reaction or lack of reaction,consider those feelings cues of expectations for you. Choose in those moments to change your attitude, loving without expectation, as God did through Jesus Christ.

Pray for God’s hel in doing this.

Dare 13: The Play Set

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.   Proverbs 31:27

If we stay home full time with our kids,they are watching nearly everything that we do. While we can never be perfect, we certainly have plenty of opportunities to get it right and demonstrate that Mom and Dad are on the same team. Don’t miss an opportunity to communicate what a good marriage looks like to the next generation. Continue reading Dare 13: The Play Set

Dare 12: Leftovers

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.  Proverbs 31:26

How often do we make life all about me, me, me? We forget that other people work hard, are tired or sick, or simply are as busy as we are. In this dare, we learn a little bit about perspective. In an earlier dare we talked about doing things without complaint. This dare goes hand in hand with that one.

You come home once again after a long day tired and just wanting to relax, only to find that nothing got done that you asked. Now on top of a dad day you are grumpy and grumbling to yourself about having to do everything yourself, when your husband walks in sleepily. Gosh, he says, I’m sorry I completely forgot that chore hunny. After I got the kids fed and into bed I was so tired. I’m sorry.

Remember you are not the only one who has bad days and just needs to relax sometimes. Sometimes an insult or injury is simply the actions of someone who is tired, just like we are. Be kind, and you will foster a considerate environment in your home.

So What About You

  1. Can you relate to this situation?Why or why not?
  2. Think over the last few days of interactions, especially those at the end of your day. How kind have you been? Have you been wise in your communications?
  3. What can you do today to honor God in the way you speak to your husband of kids?
  4. When you are tired or drained, are you still able to empathize with others and understand if they are in a similar situation? Or does it become all about you?

Today, choose only to speak words that are kind. Choose only to speak words that are kind. Choose to say nothing at all if you do not know how to say it kindly. At first this may feel as though you are letting others take advantage of you, but realize that, instead, it is actually an exercise in self-control. First comes the control, then comes the ability to see things how God sees them, then comes the ability to say things wisely to others.

Pray that God helps you keep your words wise and kind today and in the future days of this journey.

Dare 11: Whatever We Pay Attention to Grows

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.    Philippians 4:8

Just as a child who craves attention will seek to garner this attention through any behavior necessary, good or bad, whatever we give attention to will increase in frequency. If we want to increase Continue reading Dare 11: Whatever We Pay Attention to Grows

The Armor of God

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place.”   Ephesians 6:14

In the days of the Roman legionnaires, the belt secured the breastplate.

The breastplate was held in place by a harness extending from around the thighs up through the belt, up the back and over the shoulders to keep the breastplate secured in front. Continue reading The Armor of God

Dare 9: Project Overlook

A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.   Proverbs 12:16

Sometimes its hard to remember to treat the men in our lives like men when we get the childish behavior from them. Not just our husbands but our teenage children as well. Especially those teenage boys. These man-child creatures want all the benefits of adulthood but still exhibit childish behaviors. People in general (not just teenagers) are complicated. Extend grace and try different approaches when dealing with people, and you will honor God in your relationships. Continue reading Dare 9: Project Overlook

Dare 8: Remember

That your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.  Philippians 1:9-11

So often we live in the moment and forget how far we’ve come Continue reading Dare 8: Remember

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